Well, here is my first (of hopefully many) positive post about my journey to contentment. First, I’ll give you a brief catch up on what’s been going on with me for the past couple of years or so:
Roll back two years, I had found myself on a real downward spiral of alcohol abuse to try and smooth off the edges of my fractured psyche. I have always been a heavy drinker but it fast became a daily habit. Over time this caused me to regress back to the bad habits of my youth. I took up smoking cigarettes after five years off them along with heavy cannabis use. I felt it was time for a change. A mixture of mania and flight response lead me to uproot and make the trip across the narrow sea to Northern Ireland.
The Plan: Get into University to study an MA in creative writing. The Problem: A. I am rusty as hell and B. I am a chronic procrastinator. Of course, this lead to me not getting on the course. This in turn resulted in me having to get a job just like the one I had just ran away from; leaving me in the same position I was trying to escape.
Over the past two years I have been on medication to try and combat my mental ailments. After several changes and increased doses it seems I have finally found something stable. This became apparent just over a week ago, when I just stopped smoking. I had been thinking about it for a while but one day I just had the motivation. At first I thought this may just be a fluke incident but I also found that my alcohol craving had also gone. This was followed swiftly by the realisation that for the first time for maybe 10 years the crushing dread inside me was gone. Its tight grip had released and I could see through the fog of my mind. It was almost holistic when I found the app. Ritually browsing through the play store before bed I found the “fabulous” app under recommendations (I had already tried several apps in the past to no avail). The concept was simple:
Step one: get up early.
Step Two: hydrate immediately.
Step Three: have a good breakfast such as porridge and fruit.
Step four: build from there.
I set an alarm for 8AM and went to sleep. For completing these simple steps I was rewarded with a letter of praise and a competed day, for some reason that was enough. For the past week I have got up at 8AM (7.30AM if I’m in an early shift at work) and I’m feeling great. These tasks have resulted in other things falling into place:
- I have fixed my sleeping pattern, no more gaming till 4am.
- I have energy during the day, it doesn’t take me three hours to feel human.
- I take the dogs out early getting me some fresh air and exercise in the early morning light.
- I have cut out sweets, fizzy drinks and food with high sugar content, the crash was horrific.
- Eating a lot more fruit and nuts to fill the gap left by the sweets.
- Staying hydrated by drinking at least 2 litres of water a day.
- Started structuring my whole days, even those I would usually spend in a vegetative state.
- I am reading a lot more, a past time I have really let fall to the wayside.
Overall I feel healthier, happier, more energetic and a lot more motivated. I feel like myself.
Everybody wants to be a leader, its only recently I realised that you can still be an independent person who needs direction. This is something I have really struggled with since being out of the school system. I find it hard to self motivate but stepping back and looking at myself as an outside observer and scheduling my life in advance has really helped.
I really feel great and intend to keep up these practices and hope it sets me on the right path. I have been told not to change too much at once but I use this motivation as much as I can for as long as it lasts. I really hope it does. I would like to apply for the course again but term time is really drawing near. hopefully if I can continue to write everyday (three days down) I will find my voice again in time to finish an application.
Tomorrow I will give a full break down of my schedule and activities, successes and failures. I want to to be as honest as possible with this, I think it will help.